just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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