I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm always down for nudity.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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