A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
