My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we made out on top of his cat.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
