god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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