So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize