Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
