we have pet lesbian snakes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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