i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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