i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Randomize
