There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
