I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
