apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
