I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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