What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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