Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
