wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
