Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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