remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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