the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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