Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
