This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
