I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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