I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
