So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
