dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
