If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
