office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
