belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
