wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
