You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
