Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
did you just send me my own nude
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
