Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
