i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
where does the pee come out of this thing
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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