Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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