Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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