I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
