You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
