It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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