Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
