I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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