Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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