I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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