i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
