I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you win again, gameday.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
