someone get that fucking seahorse.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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