): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
