Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
