There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
