"it" just moved
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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