I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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