This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize