Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
