bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
