just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
