He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
