I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
