He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
