I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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