i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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