and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
