Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize