haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
