I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
