So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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