I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
