I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
