hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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