You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
