I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize