You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
