He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
