That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
