i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize