She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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