i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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