You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
