i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
