Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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