If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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