The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
