i think i have two assholes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
