dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This house was built for laser tag.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
