He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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