there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize