hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize