i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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