I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
