I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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