I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
