She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
