Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
