you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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