I just pynch a tree in the face
This girl is more easily done than said...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
