Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
