Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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