If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
