Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
