If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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