i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
