this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
