so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just pee around me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize