i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
