I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize