If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
