I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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