i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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