Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
