ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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