Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
